listening

listening

{image is a photo of me and Brooke at my dad’s last week. She is in the middle of a Chipmunks script. We are laughing.} I used to believe that my job was to speak for my child. I did not yet know that it was really to listen. To listen to her. To listen those … Continue reading

for noelle

for noelle

For Noelle Dec 25, 1958 – June 5, 2015 56 years were not nearly enough Good evening and welcome. To those of you whom I have not yet met, I am Michael’s daughter, Jess, or, as both he and Noelle have always called me, Jessie. Although I am not in the least surprised to see … Continue reading

dear dad

Dad, I’ve been dreading this day. The day when the patience of life’s demands finally ran thin and, no matter how much I want to stomp my feet and stop the world, I have no choice but to attend to them. The day that I have to go home. The past three weeks have been … Continue reading

the light 

For years, I have said that even in the darkest night, there is light if you look hard enough.  Early in this horrific process, I decided that I’d been full of crap. That my view of the world had been naive and my optimism quaint. But now, in the center of this storm, I can … Continue reading

the alchemy of the angry

I now realize I couldn’t have prayed enough, given enough, and I certainly could not have understood the true meaning of their pain until now. I never realized the true feeling of the splitting, gut-wrenching pain that has taken a home within my chest. The sun seems dim, the stars seem to fade, the wind … Continue reading

the message it sends – the reprise 

the message it sends – the reprise 

Two years ago … {image is a screenshot from Facebook reading, I know with every fiber of my maternal being that going to the ends of the earth every single time that Brooke asks for something (or, say, driving 50 minutes each way right now to take her to the store that has the goldfish … Continue reading

taking the stage

taking the stage

I know you’re probably really over this. And I apologize. Well, sort of. Truthfully, I could keep at this for a while. I’m just so proud of my girl and so deeply grateful for this place and the people who bring it to life with their love of dance and respect for humanity and their … Continue reading

a place to dance

a place to dance

    Tomorrow there will be words. Today there are pictures. Today, my girl is saying everything that needs to be said.    {images are photos of Brooke hanging out in her usual studio before heading up to the big one for the show} {image is a photo of Brooke leaning against the barre watching … Continue reading

i wonder what her name is

{image is a screenshot of HuffPost’s Good News header} I saw a story on HuffPost yesterday. One of those feel good pieces in the Good News section. Yeah, that’s a thing. Cause let’s be honest, there isn’t much good news in “the news.” So I get it, and I appreciate the concept. The story was … Continue reading

me too

me too

“Mama,” Katie says, her eyes telegraphing concern, “are you okay?” “I’m fine,” I say, as much to convince myself as to end this line of questioning. Fine. I’m fine. I hear the edge in my voice and try again. “I’m fine, honey. Really. Thank you for asking.” “Mama,” she says, “no offense, but you don’t seem … Continue reading