The chicken costume arrived in the mail a couple of days ago. It’s fabulous. Utterly fabulous. The stuffed Boots should be here any day and all that leaves is a plastic fire hat from the party shop. Hooray! Break out the champagne! Let’s celebra …
HUH? WHAT?? A superhero-baseball player-clown? WhatchootalkinboutWillis?
Yesterday, the girls’ school held a second hand book fair as a fundraiser for the PTO. Parents and kids donated their gently used books and they were resold to raise money for the upcoming fifth grade graduation party. Most items were $1 and it was a nice way to pick up a few age appropriate books without breaking the bank. Katie got a couple of biographies ~ Martin Luther King Jr and Thomas Edison, along with The Little Princess and yet another of the Little Miss books which she adores. Brooke, of course, walked straight over to a pile of Dora books. Somehow, she defied extremely long odds and actually found one we didn’t already have, called Dora’s Costume Party.
Now, you might recall that the entire firechicken Boots fiasco started with another Dora book, Dora’s Halloween Adventure. In that book, as I’d mentioned, our little simian hero has trouble deciding what to be for Halloween. After much angst, he decides not to decide and creates the hybrid firechicken costume.
Well, apparently Dora, Boots and the folks at Nick Jr weren’t satisfied. Heck, the formula was a success, why do it just once? I can just see them sitting around in their orange and blue lair.
“Someone get Christine Ricci on the phone! Tell her to whip up another story, STAT! Tell her there’s a kid who’s obsessed with this crap. Slap something together. Go with that whole Halloween thing. Yeah, I know it’s already been done. Beauty of it is, it doesn’t matter! They lap this stuff up; I’m tellin ya. Go with that whole ‘Boots doesn’t know what to be for Halloween’ idea. Trust me; it works like a charm!”
Followed, of course by hand wringing and evil, echoey cartoon laughter.
Last night, Brooke and I settled in to read her new book. She was thrilled. She laughed when Benny the Bull decided to go as a slice of pizza. “That’s so silly!” She happily helped Dora figure out the pattern of petals on her flower costume. “Red, yellow, orange!” She counted in Spanish with Isa the Iguana and searched the page for Tico the Squirrel’s star badge for his cowboy costume. All seemed to be going just fine.
I should have seen it coming. It was right there in print on the second page.“Boots might want to dress up as a superhero who rescues anyone who needs help. Or he could be a baseball player who can hit the ball over the fence and win the game.”
And the third page.“Or maybe he’ll be a clown who does tricks in the circus.”
But no, I just kept blithely walking along the tracks, completely unaware of the oncoming train. I breezed right past, “Boots can’t decide, and it’s almost time for the party!” I never thought twice. I mean, c’mon, little guy. Time to buck up and MAKE A DECISION! No way we’re going down this road again, right? Boots? Baby? I got a bunch of bananas says there’s no way that little fuc …
Oh God. No.
But there he was, on the second to last page, in all his glory. Boots ~ wearing a Bozo wig, a superman t-shirt and cape and a baseball glove, holding a baseball and clutching a bat in his tail, all while riding a unicycle. In case there was any doubt, the text spells it all out. “Oooooh! Boots couldn’t decide on just one thing for his Halloween costume. So he decided to wear all of his favorite costumes. He’s a superhero-baseball player-clown! What a cool costume!”
I’m tellin you right now, if this little monkey doesn’t start making some decisions, he’s going down.