i’d like to thank the academy ..


OK, so here’s the story. I won an award. Well, kinda. It’s not really an award, per se. It’s called the Stylish Blogger Award, but it’s really a blogging meme thingy that gets passed on in the form of the award icon above from one blogger to the next, thereby guilting them into participating.

Not that I don’t appreciate it, mind you. I do. Very much in fact. And not just because I am pretty dang stylish. I appreciate it mostly because I really like the lady that it came from, Professor Mother. Her blog is smart and thoughtful and she is obviously wonderfully tuned in to her kids, so I’ve decided that, for her, I am willing to temporarily suspend my long-standing moratorium on these things. But just long enough for one post. Then back to my completely arbitrary, very strict no meme policy.

The rules of the game (loosely interpreted) are that I need to tell you seven things about myself that you don’t already know and then force ask three other bloggers to do the same by tagging them.

The last time I agreed to get hit with one of these won an award like this was in 2008. Back then, I wrote the following:

OK, so my girl Jersey over at The Adventures of Boy Wonder tagged me with this um well thingy where I’m supposed to tell you six of my unspectacular quirks and then do a whole lot of other stuff which includes a lot of cutting and pasting and then tagging other people with some more cutting and pasting and then getting them to cut and paste too.

I love my Jersey girl, so I don’t want to let her down, but I’ve got to be honest, I’m just not a fan of these things.  Besides, I happen to think that my quirks are pretty spectacular, but I’ll do my best to find six that I can share.

Incidentally, I asked Luau for his thoughts and suffice to say he a) went over the limit ~ six dear, just six ~ and b) he gave me nothing that was appropriate for public consumption. Thanks for your help, darling. Really.

So here goes:

1. I never sit with my back to the room in a restaurant.

The only exception to this rule is if I’m dining with my Dad. That’s because he’s the one who taught me never to sit with my back to the room so it was his rule first. And he’s bigger than I am. By a lot. And he was a middle school principal for forty-five years so when he tells you to do something, you just kind of do it. Because you feel like if you don’t do it, you might get detention. Or ‘the look’. And you DON’T want the look. Trust me.

Oh, his reasoning had something to do with seeing the shooter coming. Whatever, Don Corleone.

2. I brush my teeth in the shower. Hey, my time is precious. Two minutes I save is two minutes I can spending making the world a better place for my children. Or sleeping. Or writing. Or playing Scramble. Or sleeping. Yes, I know I said sleeping twice.

3. I always smell my food before I eat it. I believe that this is just common sense.

4. I have one radio station programmed in my car. All country. All the time.

4.a) I love the PBR. Oh gee, was that a link to Justin McBride? Oops.

5. I have 123 pairs of shoes. Yes, I just counted them. No, I didn’t count sneakers. Yes, I can still give you twelve reasons why I NEED another pair.

6. I can wiggle my ears.

Oh, and if this is your thing, consider yourself tagged.

It seems pretty lame to just dredge up the old stuff and leave it at that, so I’m updating the list with some new ones. Oh, and for the record, I asked Luau for his help again and this time he was even less helpful than last time. Thanks, babe. You’re nothing if not consistent.

Here goes:

1. I can sing the states in alphabetical order. Up to Michigan.

2. I love Sour Patch Kids, but I don’t eat the green ones. Unless I’m desperate. Conversely, I find that the red and yellow, when eaten together are something near sublime.

3. If I hold a door for someone and they don’t say, “Thank you” I say “You’re welcome” anyway. Luau used to find this obnoxious and embarrassing. One of my great joys in life is that he now does it too.

(3a I’m a little bit evil.)

4. I find the fact that my mom hates the word ‘puke’ so funny that it makes it almost irresistibly tempting to somehow work it into conversation every time I see her.

5. I am probably not really five feet tall, but a doctor once said that I was, and I haven’t let anyone measure me since. Hey, he put it on my chart, so it has to be true. Who am I to question a medical professional? (I’d be grateful if you’d leave your observation of the blatant hypocrisy in that question to yourselves. Thank you.)

6. In my head I am tall, thin and elegant. Hence my surprise every time I pass a mirror.

7. When I was very little we used to go to a restaurant called Mario’s Place. Mario once came to the table after our meal and asked me if I “liked my din-din”. My father abhorred baby talk and adamantly believed that children should be spoken to rather than cooed at, so the next time we went in he had coached me to answer, “Yes, thank you. It was a gustatory delight.” I still find that story horrifying. Thanks, Dad.

8. I can’t remember the last time I cooked dinner for my family. In fact, I once made Katie a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when she was two and she screamed across the house, “Daddy, look! Mama’s cooking!” (Stop judging – That was a long time ago. I now often bake like my life depends on it and I do make the occasional breakfast or lunch.)

(8a I get a little defensive. You know, sometimes.)

9. I no longer have the foggiest idea what my natural hair color is, nor do I care.

10. I relish really bad reality television. The worse the better. Sister Wives, The Bachelor in any of its sordid forms, Rock of Love, The Apprentice – bring em on. Though I did discover that even I have my limits – Bridalplasty made me want to puke. (Yup, still funny. Sorry, Mom.)

11. I really only use two nail polish colors – Midnight in Moscow and Mademoiselle. Whenever I branch out, I regret it instantly.
Ooh, look. I got all carried away and did eleven. Do I get extra credit?
Anyway, like last time, I am going to take a pass on foisting this on anyone else. However, also like last time, I am going to invite anyone who wants to participate to do so. If you have a blog, jump on in. Consider yourself tagged, or, um ‘awarded’ as the case may be. Copy the icon thingy. It’s all yours. And if you make a post of it, come back here and let me know so we can all read it.
If you don’t have a blog of your own, feel free to play along by leaving your seven (or eleven!) tidbits about yourself in a comment for all of us to see. And laugh at. No, no, kidding. We’d never laugh at you. We’re too busy laughing at me.
Ed note: I decided to do this for a reason. It has nothing to do with autism. It has nothing to do with my kids. Although it mentions him, it really has nothing to do with my husband.
I did it because it’s about ME.
It’s purely self-indulgent, frivolous, silly fun. And I’ll be damned if we ALL don’t deserve a little (or a LOT) more of that around these parts. So join me, won’t you? Let’s kick off 2011 by remembering, honoring and enjoying just a little bit of who WE are.

43 thoughts on “i’d like to thank the academy ..

  1. You know how much I love you but, honestly, that awful word in examples #4 & 10–just not funny you little monster child.

    Love you,

    • Ha! I love the fact that your mom not only called you “monster child,” she worked “little” in there, too! You sure know how to bite back, Aunt Carrie! Love to both of you. 🙂

  2. my mother hates the word puke too, how funny is that. I don’t even dare say it, NEVER. oh and she was an ole skool english teacher, worked in a parochial school (speaks volumes) all her life and can give “the look” as well. The look, it’s frigthening to this day…..

  3. Too Funny! Number 3 and 9? Soooo with you!!!!! While I’m on my flight to Vegas later today, I am really going to come up with more! Why? Because when do us moms ever really spend 5 minutes thinking frivolously about ourselves anymore!? Love it! Happy New Year!! Xx

  4. Thank you for playing! I do appreciate the connection! And yes, every now and then, it’s fun to think about ME!!! And seriously, you TOTALLY deserve it! Extra credit given… 🙂 I also have to watch the room- legacy of being a teacher… We’re in trouble when we meet for that coffee.

    (although not on my list, I really really like balance- round, even numbers, etc. Have to share that your list of 11 is driving me crazy! It’s not 10, it’s not 12…. Sigh. George Carlin says that REAL OCD people have to call it CDO- it’s alphabetical that way. And yes, I can own that my chikdrens issues do not fall far from the tree…). 🙂

    • ok, for you .. #12, when i get into the car, whether i’m driving or not, i have to hit the ‘i agree’ button on the gps system IMMEDIATELY or it drives me nuts.

      see, it was a 2fer – i got you to 12 AND showed you i’ve got mine too 🙂

  5. Dear Jess

    I learned of your blog through your mother (and will now be sure to use the word ‘puke’ when I see her next 🙂 and being that she has told you that I am a avid follower, I feel less like a stalker and have finally found the courage to comment. While I do not have children nor have ever known anyone with autism before Brooke – I have become captivated by your words, stories and your genuine love for your children & husband! I absolutely LOVE today’s entry … I do thoroughly enjoy learning about Katie and Brooke but it was so nice to hear you talk about yourself! By the way – my dad has the same “rule” at restaurants .. very Soprano-esque! Thank you for sharing your stories – you are truly inspiring!


  6. Wow. Who knew that it was possible for me to love you more?

    I have to say, though, I’m floored that you’re five feet tall. In my head, you are 5’9″.

    You’re welcome.

    • ok, so let’s think of it like that riddle from the 80s .. a boy and his father get into a car crash. the father is incapacitated. the boy is wheeled into surgery and the dr says, ‘i can’t operate on this boy, he’s my son.’

      who was the dr?


  7. Pingback: She Didn’t Stand a Chance « Professor Mother Blog

  8. i too love sour patch kids. i’m hoping that one day they will make sour patch adults. which would basically be the same candy, just much, much bigger. because? i will eat them.

    sour patch old people would be the same size as sour patch adults, they would just drive around with their left turn signal constantly blinking.

    sour patch middle aged men would leave their sour patch wives for sour patch trophy girlfriends.

    and so on. i have no idea what i’m talking about. yes to sour patch kids, that’s basically the point.

  9. This is fantastic!

    I also sit with my back to a wall. It’s just good common sense. For me it’s less about seeing the shooter as inadvertently talking about someone who turns out to be directly behind me.

    I also like bad reality tv, but I am more into Survivor and the Amazing Race-style shows.

    Excellent job with this list, although I think my favorite is the one about the peanut butter and jelly sandwich and the cooking. Classic.

  10. i love #3, especially that luau has come around. mine never came around and if he did, we might still be together :D. seriously. the room thing-me too. i didnt know about the shooter thing, but i heard that a lady is supposed to be facing the room when there is just a girl and a GENTLEMAN. try that on your dad ;)..just like a gentleman is closer to the street when walking on sidewalk so the dress doesnt get messed up by the passing cars.. very old stuff from bonnets and whatever…

  11. I love coffee…Starbucks, dunkin, diner, Keurig…love.
    I went to college for musical theatre. While I haven’t done anything professional in about 10 years, every now and again I bust out singing ” tonight ” from west side story…just to make sure I still have a good voice. And I do. And then I get sad that no one ever hears it anymore.
    I have 4 cats, and I adore them. My black cat has 6 toes, he is always in my lap and sleeps next to me every night.
    I am obsessed with fb. Obsessed.
    I read tarot cards, I do it professionally. I’m really good.
    When I was little my sister (10 years older) told me to always wash off my make up, no matter how tired I am. It’s stayed with me to this day.
    I adore my brother. He is one of my best friends.
    2010 was the hardest year of my life (leaving an emotinally and mentally abusive relationship with a bipolar heroin addict) a divorce, a restraining order, lots of court, and a diagnosis of autism for Cymbie). I put some serious mileage on. I think it will be hard to top in the life changing events and heart breaking difficulty categories. I hope I never have another year that difficult.
    I know I’m super late to the party here, but I can’t sleep with the threat of this stupid hurricane about o ouch down just miles from my house. Thought I’d kill some time, and maybe get tired. Xo

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