My Dear Readers,

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for all of the incredible comments you left in response to yesterday’s post.

I swear I’m not in your homes, nor secretly filming you a la candid camera – or worse, that TLC show, What Not To Wear where they create the ‘Secret Footage’ of people in horrid outfits. Yes, I actually have a deep-seated fear that I’m being secretly taped every time I leave the house in *gasp* sweats.

Again and again, I find that when we begin to talk about the stuff that we typically work feverishly to keep hidden (the stuffed demons, the showering rocks of What We Simply Can Not Do Right Now, the boulders in our lives) that we THINK are so uniquely ours, we find that others are sharing a startlingly similar experience.

While we ARE unique – and heaven knows our children sure are – we speak a common language.

EVERY single time I dive deep, I find that I am NOT alone, that my experience is not nearly as unique as I thought it was, that my fears are not solely mine (except maybe the What Not To Wear one), and that it’s going to be OK.

Thank God there’s always someone there who has made it to the other side and can say, ‘It’s going to be OK.’

And it is. It IS going to be OK. But this time, it might just be up to YOU to make it so.

If yesterday’s letter really, truly spoke to you, I urge you to seek help from a trained professional. If you don’t know where to begin, talk to your doctor, a social worker or a counselor at your child’s school for help getting started. They will lead you in the right direction.

I know it seems laughable to schedule one more appointment into your ludicrously busy life, but think of it this way – one appointment is a hell of a lot less to try to arrange than an entire life with you incapacitated.

One appointment, one hour – that may just be the beginning of giving YOU back to you, to your children, to those you love. You are worth that and so very much more.

Step out of the guilt and the shame. You don’t need them anymore. You never did.

Wishing you all love, strength and joy.


14 thoughts on “work

  1. I have a daughter 9 years old with Autism and she was diagnosed early.. To this day there are days that I still feel like
    ” WTF!” It is frustrating and painful so many days but we push on and learn from it. Some days are so tiring though and it’s hard to focus on the good stuff.
    My mantra has been since Megan was diagnosed is…
    Every Day, Every Hour, Every Minute is a Do Over.
    I have another chance and she still loves me no matter what..

  2. You are so wonderful. I just read yesterday’s post and today’s and your words are right on. And, yes, seeking help is a big deal. It’s hard, but it makes life so much better. Immeasurably so. We as parents take such good care of everyone around us, but forget to do the same for ourselves. The first step (or maybe third or fourth) to supporting your child is supporting yourself.

    Also, thanks a lot, Jess. Now I’m going to start worrying about the secret cameras. Dammit.

  3. You have touched upon something so important…thank you for blogging about it…

    About 6 month’s after my son’s diagnosis I was in such a deep funk and could not get out of my own way. Making that call to find someone to talk to was one of the hardest but best things I ever did. I don’t know what was more nerve wracking…our first ever IEP meeting or my first visit with my new therapist!

    I found her by asking our local Early Intervention center for a recommendation. I wanted someone that was nearby, that they were familiar with, and a therapist who had sensitivity and experience providing support to parents with special needs children.

    I also came across a couple of helpful websites in my search:
    This collaborative is based out of Lexington. Click on the staff bios for areas of specialization to refine your search.
    This is the South Shore Coalition of Independent Therapists, but it has listings for the Greater Boston area. We found someone for our son on this website as well.

    Happy New Year, you beautiful Lady, you!

  4. Good advice. BTW, I secretly fear What Not to Wear might catch me, too. I have a friend and I text her frequently with the question, “Guess what I’m wearing?” because the answer is always the same!

  5. I have to say…as much as I would like to leave the house in sweats I NEVER do it, darn those cameras!

    I love your blog, it says sooo much of what I have been through with my (now) 18 year old with autism…as the Talking Heads put it “How did I get here?!”

  6. I love your blog. I can relate so much. My son was diagnosed in September with Autism & in December with Epilepsy. Its been a rough road. Your posts get me so excited & give me so much courage to continue to fight the fight even on the days that I want to give up. & I just have to share this.. My son (who is 4) can not stand the mere thought of a haircut. But today, he sat down & let ME trim his hair. No fuss! I was so giddy, it was a HUGE thing for him. Then.. Afterwards he wanted a snack. So I offered him baby carrots, which normally he will only eat in soup, & he is eating them! No soup, nothing to hide the taste. Wow! Anyways.. Thanks for sharing your life with us! You are amazing!

  7. Jess, you are amazing! I just love that you are able to reach so many people and touch so many lives with your words. These last two posts have been so awesome!

    and the What Not to Wear fear…I have it-but secretly hope that someone nominates me! I need a new wardrobe! haha! I could totally take the criticism…I think…

  8. I wear funky (handmade) socks. And themed sweaters. And sweatshirts – big, oversize ones. And jeans and tennis shoes. And I don’t own a single pair of heels. Or any makeup.

    I KNOW that someday Stacey and Clinton will be peering around a corner at me…hopefully they will be too appalled to stick around 🙂

  9. i’ve been flattened by the boulder over and over…and over. eventually i did ask for help and it made all the difference, that was definitely the turning point in my life. so thanks for these posts, they’re wonderful.

  10. Pingback: The Space Between « Professor Mother Blog

  11. Hi Jess,

    Am a bit behind in reading my bloggy favs, so am just getting caught up here. Your avalanche post was excellent, as was this post. We had an avalanche here of sorts, but not related to my sons, but with dealing with some of my mom’s health issues.
    That is why I am up during the wee morning hours doing bloggy stuff as I cannot sleep, as I woke up thinking about my mom.

    On a happy note, though…I happened to see something so cute to go with Yo Gabba Gabba and thought that Brooke would just love them…there is a woman who makes cupcake toppers to go with that show on Etsy.
    A mom blogger is doing a giveaway on her blog…here is the link:
    The giveaway ends January 15th.

    Hope that you will enter and win, as these are the cutest cupcake toppers I have seen and it would be neat if you won.
    Have a nice week.

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