looking forward

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.

~T.S. Eliot, “Little Gidding”

Just after Christmas, my friend Alysia over at SPDBN asked a question of some of her contributors. What, she asked, was your favorite memory with your child this past year, and what is something you’re looking forward to in 2012?

It wasn’t hard to answer the first part of the question. I immediately flashed to New York. I saw my baby girl in her front row seat at Godspell – conquering so much to experience something so important to her and so utterly, deliciously, wondrously fabulous. Yes, Godspell was, by far, my favorite memory with my girl this year.

But the second part of the question proved trickier. What is something you’re looking forward to in 2012? My immediate answer was I have no idea.

You see, this road we’re on doesn’t come with a map. I don’t have the luxury – or wait, the limitation, yes? – of knowing what to expect around the next turn. This road winds and curves and demands that we hold on for dear life. It doubles back over treacherous terrain we know we’ve seen before but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t change ever so slightly each time. And then suddenly, without warning, it whipsaws us into scenery more beautiful than any our limited imaginations could conjure. But nope. No map.

So what is something that I look forward to in 2012?

With no map to consult, no ordered mile markers to expect, I have no idea.

What I do know is that I’m looking forward to finding out. In fact, I’m thrilled by the overwhelming possibility of the year’s blank canvas.

I’m worried, yes. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to the worry. The tough terrain scares the crap out me and even though I can’t see it, I know it’s waiting. But so too I know that we’ll get through it. It’s what we do.

And when we do, I’ll follow my girl as she conquers new challenges, breaks apart more and more perceived limitations, and little by little, finds her way in this world. I can’t wait to see what she does when she puts her beautiful, determined mind to it – whatever it may be.

So I guess that’s my answer. I don’t really know what I’m looking forward to. But I’m looking forward to finding out.

Wishing you and yours a new year filled with peace, progress, laughter, love and joy. 

8 thoughts on “looking forward

  1. Thanks for sharing your memory. It caused me to look back on 2011 and search for my favorite moment: a school dance performance – our first in so many ways…Like you, I’m not sure about the looking forward part. Here’s hoping we’ll both have pleasant surprises.

  2. I love this! Living with someone on the spectrum does have so many adventures…and it is hard to specify because there are so many unknowns and surprises…many times pleasant ones. I, too, look forward to finding out what 2012 brings. My son is always surprising me with ways he CAN overcome. Hope is a beautiful thing.

  3. Your answer is perfect. I love reliving the Godspell moment with you. And as for the future, I’m looking forward to finding out as well. Thank you for letting us be a part of this journey with you and your family.

  4. I had a crazy year!!!!! Cymbie started school, therapies, biomed. My divorce was FINALLY FINAL. I got pregnant, got engaged, had a baby! Watched my girl grow, progress, stride forward, struggle, scream and learn to talk. My fav moment of this year? Watching Cymbie connect with her baby sister for the very first time (she took her hands and played pat-a-cake with her)!!! What I most look forward to in the year ahead is watching BOTH my girls grow and progress. Yes, there will be struggles and bumps….I know. For now w keep to the positive!!!
    Wishing you and yours, Jess, all the same. Lots of love, peace, progress and happiness to you all in 2012! xoxo

  5. I seem to have lost the plot lately in our household of eight, but I love the New Year’s fresh start and hopeful feelings. Wishing you all the best throughout the coming year.

  6. I hope the next, no, the rest of your life brings you more peace and joy. The weight you carry on your shoulders needs to be lightened and shared.
    I wish you more and more inner contentment.
    Love you,

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