twelve (or so) more things i learned on my weekend away


1. If I knock over the sign that says ‘Quiet Please’ in the quiet room at the Spa, it will make a really loud noise.

1.a. If I make a really loud noise in the quiet room at the spa, everyone will look at me.

1.b. If I say, “Oh, the irony!” as I pick it up, almost everyone will laugh.

1.c. When almost everyone laughs, the quiet room at the spa will be anything but quiet.

1.d. The very pregnant lady in the corner will not be laughing.

1.e. I’ll feel kinda badly for her, remembering when I was pregnant and sorta hated everything and everyone.

1.f. Three minutes into a hot stone massage, I’ll forget the humorless pregnant lady.

1. g. And my name.

1.h. And that will be good.

2. I’ll feel really old when I say, “I don’t get these new-fangled slot machines.”

2.a. Only old people say new-fangled.

2.b. New-fangled is fun to say.

2.c But I really will have no clue how the damn things work.

2.d. And they don’t come with explanations.

2.e. And everyone else apparently gets it or is happy to just feed them money without getting it.

2.f. Whether or not you know what’s happening, slot machines are an extremely efficient way to lose money.

3. Blackjack is way more fun.

3.a. Cause at least you lose your money (a little) more slowly.

4. When you’re five feet tall on a good day and your travel companion is 5’10 in her bare feet and likes to wear heels, you’ll be glad you brought these.

5. Real friends, no matter how tall they are, are priceless.

6. I am at the age where if I were single, I’d be a cougar.

6.a. I have no idea when that happened.

6.b. Bar talk at this age is, um, interesting.

6.c. I am not a cougar.

7. Most cabana boys do not look like the ones we conjure up in our heads.

7.a. Which is kind of a bummer.

7.b. On the heels of #6, this is kind of uncomfortable.

7.c. Moving on.

8. I will mention autism, even in casual conversation.

8.a. But not all the time.

9. I will be extremely taken aback when someone says, “Your friend told me that you both have kids with autism. It’s just incredible what you guys do. Truly.”

9.a. It will be his head cocked ever so slightly to the side and the look on his face that will really do me in.

9.b. And the oozy, drippy sympathy will make me, well, angry.

9.c. I will be tempted to say, “If you actually knew anything about what I do, I’d be OK with this. But all you know is that I am my daughter’s mother, and please sir, understand that being my daughter’s mother is the greatest honor on this earth and one for which perhaps I deserve your envy, but sure as hell not your sympathy.

9.d. I won’t.

9.e. And that’s OK.

10. When a baby screams at midnight in the room next door, I’ll flash back some five years to a hotel in Buffalo at 3 a.m., Brooke jumping on my head while yelling, “THREE LITTLE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!” and I’ll be pretty sure the baby is karmic payback.

11. Coquis actually exist.

11.a. And not just on Dora.

11.b. Coquis are really loud.

12. I am a mom.

12.a. It’s who I am.

12.b. For me, being a mom will always come first.

12.c. It’s how I’m designed.

12.d. But it’s not ALL that I am.

12.e. The rest of me is sorta cool too.

12.f. I need to remember that a little more often.

Ed note: I am honored to have guest posted over at the Oxygen Mask Project. Come check it out, won’t you?

24 thoughts on “twelve (or so) more things i learned on my weekend away

  1. These last two posts have been such important reminders, as I sit here sleep-deprived and out of shape, attempting to eat my healthy breakfast. 🙂 I am going away for a weekend just for me tomorrow and I need to let go of the guilt and remember that I need this…we ALL need this. It will make us better mammas in so very many ways.

  2. First – yay to Deb above ^^^ 🙂
    Jess, these posts are amazing. So glad you had the space to reflect on all this. #9 and #12 hit me most. I guess that’s no surprise.

  3. I can so relate to your list of 12 or so lol! You never fail to make me think, laugh, smile and sometimes cry, lift me up when I’m down or make me laugh out loud. I ♥ and appreciate you, Jess. Thank you!

  4. I saw you over at the Oxygen Mask Project… excited to see this project started….as my therapist(whom I see every other week and who is key in helping me keep that oxygen mask on)often reminds me….”as women…as mother’s we are the roots of our tree. If we don’t take care of the roots(ourselves) then the tree….it can not flourish….”……so I try very hard to make sure that I water myself and get plenty of sunshine….I have to remind myself and have others remind me too….
    Thank you for reminding me and others to get that mask and keep it on!! Also, I with you on #6…..when did this happen???
    As always I thank you for your beautiful words and the gift you bring to me and so many others!

  5. I’ve learned to hate the people who say “I’m sorry” when I tell them Cymbie has Autism. I’ve noticed, it makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I’ve also noticed, many people are open to listening, and learning, and openly admit that they believed many “myths” and sterotypes about people with Autism. And it’s always good to spread a little awareness.
    The part about the sign…hilarious. And I might not have been laughing. I was a pregnant lady less than 4 months ago, and I had pretty much lost my sense of humor too.
    I *wish* I could get away!! Even for 1 day.
    But I did start to exercise again. And diet. It would be really nice to fit into my pre pregnancy clothes again.

  6. I say she’s 5 feet. I’m the the 5 foot 10 friend. I’m a walking ruler. LOL Umm when are you we going again??? Love you!!! and we so should’ve stolen the Shhhhhh signs.

  7. #12 is a big one for me. I need to remember that and trying so hard to tell myself that I am not a bad mom for diverting my attention to something other than my son for an evening here and there. Just keep thinking, “Will he feel like I’m ignoring him, abandoning him?” I know his autism may not bring feelings like this, but with a mostly non-verbal kid, I just never know if there are things like that going through his mind. As you can see I still struggle with this, even more so now as I was also made the conservator of this wonderful 18-year old young man. I feel even more pressure to ALWAYS be there (I am very aware of the “I can never die” feeling).. I pray I can find balance and peace with this throughout this year.

  8. I’m so glad you went and had a wonderful time- and oh God, I can soooo relate to crashing into things in quiet places. Falling down the stairs in a silent study hall trying to sneak in late? Guaranteed stadium of giggles. Glad to see I’m not the only silence-breaking hurricane out there.

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