for the fathers

Photo By Connerton Photography

For my husband –

I know how hard this was to write. And I know how much harder it was to live. I’ve been there – spinning on the sidewalk lost in an impotent rage.

But you are so damned strong for us – for all of us – that I forget.

I forget that no matter how broad your shoulders may be, they eventually buckle under the weight you silently carry.

I forget that you cry at 3 am.

I forget that you feel every bit of this too.

I love you, babe. And I’m proud of you. For being strong and even more for knowing that you don’t always have to be.

We’ll get thru this.

And so will our girl.

One step, one conversation, one damn blue bulb at a time.


For the legion of fathers who live this too.

You are not alone.

14 thoughts on “for the fathers

  1. I just fell apart. This is so true…and I am so, so, so, SO grateful for the strong fathers out there who, like my husband, shoulder their own struggles AND their child(ren)’s AND their significant others’. Thank you…

  2. Oh my gosh, the part where Luau talks about Brooke and the worksheet and the scripting and nothing behind her eyes — I so know the hopeless feeling of those moments. I have to force myself not to think about the future, or it’s more than I can handle. Thanks to both of you for these beautiful posts today.

  3. I would like to say “thank you” to Luau and all of the other Dads that stay strong and love their babies, their wives, their other children. Thank you for standing with them…even when it breaks you. As a teacher, I see so many families without a father, much less a Dad, or even better a Daddy…and that is what you are. All of the men that stay, despite the diagnosis, are just that…Daddy. There is nothing more precious (especially to little girls) than their Daddy. Your girl…no, your GIRLS…know that you are there, and that you are human…and I am willing to bet that they love you more than any of them will ever be able to put into words.

  4. To Luau, to Niksdad, and all the men who are parenting and partnering… Thank you feels so inadequate. Please know that everything you do makes a very big difference. Even when you can’t see it or feel it. It does. You do.

  5. Wow, now I’m a blubbering mess….. too beautiful and sincere not to feel the love….. I wish all of those families with children struggling with ASD (heck, even those who don’t!) would come together, all too many of them fall apart. You both set the “gold” standard….. Just amazing!

  6. I shared on my Facebook. He moved me to tears ( something about you two). I could relate so much to the Literacy center time and just that feeling…
    Thank you to both of you for sharing and putting into words what so many of us feel

  7. Beautifully written by a gritty veteran that really gets it. You are an inspiration to all of us out here fighting the good fight one day at a time. The days are often long, but in the end, the years are short. I smile through my tears many a day but am so grateful for my special daughter. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

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