oh, jenny


A couple of weeks ago, Jenny McCarthy said the following at Autism One –

“This is something I touch about every year on – and that’s the Victim Moms vs the Warrior Moms. And you’re both out there, so hopefully you can recognize yourself if you are a Victim Mom after I explain this. Um, when our kid gets diagnosed, obviously I think we all fall into that same thinking of “Oh my god, I’m going to die. Not my kid. What am I going to do?” And there’s this part that takes place – a moment where you have to decide, are you going to take charge? Are you going to give it everything you possibly can to save your kid? And then something surprising happens with a lot of other moms. They – this is all subconsciously, but they fall into this victim role and they like it. It’s almost as if they didn’t get attention in their lives and this – see, I see a lot of moms shaking their heads – see, I’m sure you’ve met them too, you guys – um, they didn’t get attention and now this incredible door opens where all of these people come over and say, “Suzy, oh, Suzy, I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do for you?” There’s all this attention. And they’re looooving it. They’re loving having people feel sorry for them …”

My response is sitting on the editorial desk at Huff Po – hopefully I’ll have a link for you later today.


Edited to add:

I just wrote the following on Diary’s Facebook page and thought it should be here as well.

ALL – I’m home sick today so I had the chance to pop in mid-day (but don’t have the energy to respond to the eighty some-odd comments on my earlier post individually.) Huff Po has not yet published my blog post. Unfortunately, I’m at the mercy of their timing. As soon as they do, I’ll post the link here.

In the meantime, I just wanted to say the following –

PLEASE respect each other and all of our different perspectives in the comments here. To be clear, the only thing that I take issue with in Jenny’s comments from Autism One (as you will see when the Huff Po post is up), is that she is discrediting the choices that other moms make. I refuse to do the same by discrediting HER choices for her son. Please, please – let’s not reinforce the division in this community by reacting to stone throwing by picking up rocks of our own. Thank you, and now I’m going back to bed. xo

Edited AGAIN to add:

The post is finally up. Please click HERE to read it.

I’d be grateful for your comments on Huff Po, but please, please keep the above in mind as you choose the words you use. Thank you!!

30 thoughts on “oh, jenny

  1. I take tremendous issue with the likes of Jenny McCarthy and her audacity. –Just saying!

    Looking forward to reading your response.

    Love you,

  2. I read about this on ThAutcast and was again disappointed that Jenny has chosen this route. When my little one was diagnosed 11 1/2 years ago, I looked for a celebrity mom to bring awareness and show that this can happen to anyone of any income and any background. Unfortunately, she chose to go the “junk science” route and then made outrageous claims that her son was “cured”, but never not once in any interview did she mention the INTENSIVE behavioral therapy she was able to afford and provide for her son. Now she blames Jim Carey for her son’s current issues (hmmm… you are blaming your X boyfriend?) And doing interviews saying you are going to take your clothes off for Playboy in order to bring a awareness to autism…I think that Jenny LOVES the attention she gets from the autism umbrella! People who live in glass houses should not throw stones!!!
    OH, and I am not a VICTIM or a WARRIOR. I am a MOM.

    • LOVE your comments – and I agree whole-heartedly – what the hell has she done lately to keep her in the spotlight other than promote junk science….if it wasn’t for her son’s Autism and Playboy, no one would even know who she is anymore!

  3. What a jerk. Sorry, that’s the Jersey girl coming out. She really needs to think twice before she opens her mouth. And she’s suppose to be avocating for autism. Please.

  4. umm, Jenny, I think you’re talking about the r
    elatively rare mental illness called munchausen syndrome by proxy. It’s in the DSM-IV, look it up. Sometimes I feel like a warrior, sometimes I feel like having a pity party (Matt was just diagnosed in March, I figure I’ll grow out of it). But please, don’t pose nude on my behalf or pretend you’re speaking for me.

  5. I’m looking forward to your response to this. Not because it’s going to be some knock-down, drag-out fight. But because it will be more reasoned and intelligent than Ms. McCarthy’s ramblings.

    My first reaction to reading Ms. McCarthy’s statement was “Pot, meet kettle”. With a couple of not so polite words thrown in.

  6. Can I curse on here? Because I REALLY REALLY want to curse right now….like REALLY REALLY bad curses that I only reserve for special moments.

  7. Jenny McCarthy needs a big huge reality check. No, she’s not qualified to determine what all moms whose kids are diagnosed with ASD are going through on a subconscious level. No, she did not earn the right to both classify and divide us according to the approach each if us takes in coping with autism. No, she has no evidence that vaccines cause autism. In fact, there’s a growing body of evidence to the contrary. Jenny McCarthy needs to think a whole lot more before she speaks. The woman is an actual menace.

  8. This incredible door opens where all these people come over, offering help? Does that happen to people other than wealthy celebrities? I don’t know anyone who has experienced this journey that way, it’s more like they are exhausted all the time and probably need more help than they currently get.

    Giving it everything I have for MY son does not necessarily match what that means for someone else – Jess mentioned this the other day. These comments polarize people, not bring them together for a common cause. One of the most helpful things she can do to further the cause is stop regurgitating this speech year after year.

  9. I cannot wait to read your response! Neutralize the inflammatory comments, keep the focus where it belongs.

  10. As a mother who just had her son diagnosed with autism last month, this offends me. Of course my husband and I were devastated and to some extent, I felt sorry for myself because my friends with children didn’t have to worry about X, Y, & Z services and applying for this, that, and the other thing. I did have the “IT’S NOT FAIR!” moments and I still do. But at the same time, I am the so called “warrior” as I wade through the paperwork and providers trying to figure out what to do next. This is just another example of pitting mothers against each other and this is especially offensive because it’s pitty mothers with special needs children against each other.

    Rant done.

  11. Jenny McCarthy is the bane of the adult autism community. Although she has done a lot to bring awareness, the awareness she has brought has been filled with misinformation and stereotypes which have not made the lives of people with autism easier.

    Autism is a lifelong condition, not just childhood condition. The problems that come with autism can be worked around, not cured. Plenty of autistic people go on to lead extraordanary lives, even without being “cured.” We are people with some challenges and some extraordanary abilities.We are not victims to be pitied, we are people to be met as equals, because we are equals.

    I don’t even want to get started on the abuse and condescention that Autism Speaks heaps on adults with autism.

    John Mark McDonald

  12. So cannot wait to read your response to this! This woman drives me up a wall!!!! Thank you for giving the rest of us a voice!!

  13. Looking forward to reading your opt-ed Jess:) I remember one of my profs in University saying that we all have a responsibility in a democracy to stand up and debate people who say things that we believe are wrong and could hurt someone else. You are setting a great example. Jenny can say whatever she wants publicly but she better be prepared to have to defend the stuff she says at the same time.

  14. “Jenny McCarthy said the following at Autism One”

    Ok, I’ve never heard of Autism One (yes, I live under a rock here in the midwest) but when I went to their site and saw Jenny on the cover of Autism Science Digest, I was floored. I’m sorry, something called SCIENCE and their cover is her and ‘generation rescue 2012’???

    I guess I’m not as open minded as I’d like to think.

  15. I don’t know who Jenny McCarthy is – I live in the UK & have never heard of her. I came to your blog because I follow Rose Winelover’s blog and she linked to you because she was so insensed by these views. I don’t think it is helpful to set one lot of people up against another. And if being a victim involves trying to get the world to accept my Son for who he is rather than looking for something to blame or for for a cure then I hold my hands up ‘I’m a victim’ *shudder*

  16. I am a mom who chose to try a lot of things. Some worked and some didn’t. Just like knowing each child / adult with autism is different, so are our parenting choices. it doesn’t make us wrong, it means we love our children and we do what we need to do.

  17. You guys are a bunch of haters and perhaps jealous. So what if some people feel autism is more environmentally caused and so are trying to help their children? Give it a rest. Believe it or not some kids have improved with diet and supplements.

    • krista, i’d ask you to read the post on huff po. there’s no hate. quite the opposite. and no doubt that some kids have been helped by biomedical intervention. please, just read it.

      • some of us have a different story – and I thought Jenny McCarthy finally spoke the truth about what some of us had witnessed and dealt with and been apart of – in our own families. Sure, Jenny needs to choose her words wisely – but I felt like she had finally spoken the truth about how some parents can fall into the victim trap. I applaud her. It’s not all parents… I think she was just saying that this can happen and she’s seen it… and I think that if she gets through to one parent who recognizes this in their own self, that the attitude change could be amazing. Although, I think everyone needs to deal with things differently – and people need their space, but when you see a way that someone is handling something and it’s hurting them and their family in a very scary way – what Jenny says, is a lifesaver – that hopefully can wake those of us who react in a victim mentality. I find it sad that the majority of your reader’s comments have been very negative and hateful towards a woman who has inspired many. Shame!

  18. guys, PLEASE do not use this as a forum to attack jenny or biomed or for god’s sake, each other.

    please read the huff po post. the whole point is that none of us has the right to judge an other. that goes for jenny. that goes for me. that goes for all of us.

    please. when we start swinging a bat, we stop talking. when we stop talking, our kids are the ones who suffer for it.

  19. Pingback: Thirteen Things Thursday: 13 Reasons Why Jenny McCarthy is Right About Me Being a Victim Mom | that cynking feeling

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