high tide

Hoist up sail while gale doth last, Tide and wind stay no man’s pleasure.

~ Robert Southwell

A single breaker may recede; but the tide is coming in.

~ Thomas Babington Macaulay


I am hanging onto this moment with everything I have. I know it won’t last – this gilded unicorn – this moment of perfect connection.

There’s sand in my bathing suit. Hell, there’s sand everywhere. I don’t care.

We are lying on our bellies side by side in the tide pool. The water is warm and inviting, though every once in a while, a cold current flows in on an overeager wave.

Our little oasis won’t last. It will soon be swallowed up by the encroaching tide. But for now – for THIS moment- it’s perfect. I try desperately not to think about what will inevitably follow.

“PLOP!”‘ she shouts. A blob of heavy wet sand lands smack in the middle of my back. It splashes into my hair. I look at her in mock horror. Her hands are still suspended above my head. “Brooke,” I say, in a cartoonish mad voice, “Not on my top!” She looks straight at me. STRAIGHT at me. God, I could eat her. “Only on my bottom, silly!” I say tenderly. I swear, I could live inside those eyes.

She digs her fingers into the mud again and gathers as big a handful as her little hands can hold. With a flourish (and another “PLOP!”) she deposits it directly onto my tush.

She laughs and all of the world’s troubles float away on the wind. “I put it on your bottom!” she says. A joke. A delicious, creative, hilarious, joke. I melt into her giggle.

“On my LEGS, you rascal,” I say.

I know that the tide is coming in.

Soon, the waters will merge and our pool and all that it represents will be lost to the bay.

I hold onto the moment with everything I have.


Ed note: In case you missed it on Saturday, I actually posted something. I know, bizarre, right? Check it out .. Person First

Ed other note: Thank you for all of your incredible comments on the last couple of posts. I can’t tell you how much they mean to me. I wish I could respond to each and every one of them.

Ed other, other note: 50 Cent apologized. Well, sorta. He said, “I realize my autism comments were insensitive, however it was not my intention to offend anyone and for this I apologize.” So there’s that.


11 thoughts on “high tide

  1. What an incredible moment! It may be over now but thankfully you will always have that memory (and Brooke)!

    I love you,

  2. That’s awesome! I’ve been quietly taking in the last couple posts, but I loved them. Brooke’s progress always gives me hope, and makes me smile for the journey you’re on, and how far she’s come.
    I have to share…Last night, my girls sat on the kitchen floor together. Baby A’s persistence in interacting with Cymbie is paying off. They played. I mean, they REALLY played!! Laughed together, and connected! It was so fast and fleeting and I was swallowed up in the joy! It was perfect, and beautiful.

    • We’re having some of those first fleeting moments at our house too… I know they will become more frequent and extended. I believe. Sounds like you do too. 🙂

  3. Makes me think of Blondie’s song:

    The tide is high but I’m holding on
    I’m gonna be your number one
    I’m not the kind of girl who gives up just like that
    Oh, no

    It’s not the things you do that tease and wound me bad
    But it’s the way you do the things you do to me

    I’m not the kind of girl who gives up just like that
    Oh, no

  4. I often say that my precious Maddie came along to teach me to SLOW DOWN! We had a similar moment in the pool this weekend. It was about 20 minutes of family fun. Everyone included, everyone laughing, everyone playing. It was pure heaven and I ate it up with a spoon. Before Maddie, the moment wouldnt have registered as special. It would have been just “normal”. This was a moment of OUR NORMAL and it was grand.
    Sounds like you had YOUR NORMAL!

  5. Although that sweet, consuming, delicious moment is gone, it feels like the tide is flowing more generally your lovely family’s way. There will be many more such moments to come. I’m sure of it.

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