It’s been a hard three days. Last night was tough. Tonight was tougher. For the sake of our sanity, it’s time to laugh. For that reason, tomorrow’s Diary post is going to be funny. Nothing but funny. There, consider yourself warned.
~ Diary’s Facebook status last night
As many of you know, I post periodically on Diary’s Facebook page. Usually in the evenings, I’ll share a thought – something I found funny perhaps, a cute kid story, or maybe something that struck me as particularly profound. I usually don’t stray too far off the reservation. Although my ‘real life’ sense of humor tends toward being pretty crass, I like to keep things clean here in Diary Land. It’s a family show, after all and my greatest hope is that someday my children will read what I’ve written here. Well, maybe not here today, but ya know, in general. Anyway, point is, I try to mostly stay within the navigational buoys.
One night a couple of weeks ago, however, I veered into some previously uncharted territory. I made a reference to the Fifty Shades of Grey books. I wasn’t sure how it would fly, but I figured that the odds were pretty good that in this crowd, the majority of whom are, I assume, moms, I wasn’t going to be the only one who knew what Charlie Tango was. (Christian Grey’s helicopter for the uninitiated.)
This is what I posted ..
The responses were hilarious. There was a lot of commentary on the awful writing (agreed), but even more “Gee, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Laters, baby.” confessions and even an admission to owning a “We aim to please” t-shirt. Good stuff.
And then there was a comment that went like this …
It was Ana’s mom who had her when she was very young (goodness, I don’t know how I knew that)!
To which I responded ..
Cause I had to ..
With this ..
The next day at work, I couldn’t resist sharing the story with a colleague. He gave me one in return.
A friend’s wife had started the first book in the series. His buddy was, well, shall we say ‘excited’ to hear about it. He asked her for details, and was extremely disappointed when she told him that she’d lost interest in the book and abandoned it less than halfway through.
He was then surprised and delighted, if not slightly confused, when he then found all three books on their shared Kindle a couple of weeks later. Once again, he was, well, ‘excited’ to hear about it. He climbed into bed one night and feverishly asked the question.
“So, what happened? I thought you didn’t like the Fifty Shades books, but now I see you’ve read them all.”
He waited anxiously for her answer.
“Oh yeah” she said, shrugging, “I wasn’t into the first one at all, but your mom said I really should give it another chance so I did.”
According to the story, he looked at her for a moment, processed what she had just told him and said as he turned out the light, “I never, ever want to talk about this again.”
Last Sunday, while everyone was puttering around the house, I snuck outside with the intention of transporting myself to Seattle for a little .. um .. intrigue. I got about five minutes into Ana and Oh dear God is she seriously staring down at her knotted fingers, battling with her inane inner goddess or using the word ‘there’ to describe her nether region AGAIN? when Katie came outside. She walked over and immediately asked the question.
I stared at her for a moment, my mouth slack. There was no sound coming out.
“You OK, Mama?” she asked.
“Oh, hi, baby,” I said, pretending that somehow I hadn’t seen her in the uh, glare of the sun. “Oh, just a silly book.”
“What’s it called?”
I blinked again. I was cornered.
“It’s part of a series. It’s um, Fifty Shades of Grey.”
As soon as the words were out, I panicked. I pictured her in a bookstore with a friend and said friend’s parents and her seeing the book and pointing and shouting, “MY MOM IS READING THAT BOOK!” and then some lady in an ill-fitting suit from DSS coming to my door and telling me that I got some ‘splainin to do, Lucy and then I *really* panicked and when I really panic I start talking which is really the worst thing you can do when you really panic cause then you know, you say stupid stuff that you really, really wish you hadn’t, like, oh, I don’t know, like when your kid asks if you like the books and you can’t seem to stop the words before they’re out and you hear them and they are,
“Yeah, they’re pretty good. But um, well, there’s some pretty inappropriate scenes in them, ya know, like romance stuff, so it’s not really something to mention around other people, OK?”
And then it’s sort of like you’re underwater when you hear her saying, “Oh my God, that’s gross,” and you know that she doesn’t necessarily think that it’s gross like ya know, intrinsically but that it’s gross because her MOM is reading it and then you think of this …
… and you realize that you know EXACTLY how she feels.
Ed Note: Today’s Tweet of the day ..
Nearly 9,000 signatures objecting to @joeNBC @Morning_Joe ‘s reckless comments re #autism. Pls sign + share http://www.change.org/petitions/joe-scarborough-msnbc-retract-your-statements-about-autism-and-the-colorado-shooting @Starbucks