Today’s post should, God-willing, be up on the Huffington Post site later today. I submitted it to their editorial staff on Saturday morning. It’s been sitting in the queue ever since.

I’m not so good at waiting. I’m even worse at ceding control of my writing. But this needed a bigger platform than the one that I have here at Diary.

It is a big post. Actually, it’s a really big post. It’s a post that has had my stomach in knots since the moment that I hit ‘Submit’. Not because I have any shame in what I wrote, but simply because I fear the way it will be received. But it’s truth. It’s my truth. And truth is worth risk.

I’m not sure how else to preface it, so I’ll leave it at this ..

I call out hypocrisy when I see it. It’s what I do. And exempting myself from that would be the biggest hypocrisy of all. So that is essentially what I have done – called myself out for not living what I believe, and then doing what I could to make that right.

I hope that when it comes out you will read it gently, that you will remember the person that you know that I am as you do, and that you will keep an open mind — and, more importantly, an open heart — throughout.

Please feel free to subscribe to my Huff Po blog HERE to receive notification when it’s published, or simply check back here later today.

Thank you, my friends. For everything.



42 thoughts on “waiting

  1. You are and always will be the person who calls out hypocrisy when you see it never exempting yourself. Go easy on yourself and I’m certain those who know you will, as well.

    Love you,

  2. I will simply say that no one is perfect and that no matter what the hypocrisy is that you have written about this community loves you and thanks you for all that you do and share with us. it is your ability to share your journey –the perfect shiny moments and those that aren’t so pretty — that we all identify with. You are not alone Jess โค

  3. bless your heart. this made me cry.

    i’m happy you’re married with two beautiful girls, and i’m happy your past was blessed with love, too. i hope that a gazillion worried and scared people read this and feel heartened. it is hard to be gay (says the gay 35 year old in a ten year relationship who isn’t out work)…or bisexual or a million other things. it is hard to be human, and this is why we need to take care of one another. thanks for helping to take care of each of us, in different ways, in whatever way we need it. you make me like the world better, and the world and i have a daily throw down in my heart, so that’s saying a lot.

    you made my day prettier, and now i hope you have a pretty day. โค

  4. Jess hon, my mom is gay, and although my family has been very open about it for decades, I can imagine the courage it took for you to write this post. Good for you, and I hope this disclosure brings you peace. It did for my mom and for my family. And truly, with the community support you have, God help anyone who isn’t behind you on this. So proud!

  5. just read your article and let me say it doesn’t change my opinion of you one bit. If it does change anyone’s opinion that is their problem because you are awesome in my book. You and everything that makes you “you”. I don’t comment often but I enjoy reading your blog everyday.

  6. Tried first to leave this at huff po but didn’t want to create an account there.

    That last line “They came for people like me, and I spoke out for us.” just gave me the biggest goosebumps of anything I’ve ever read on a blog post. (Good ones.) As I’m a regular reader of your blog, I hope you know that’s an impressive relative measure to top!

  7. Honestly, I was too lazy to figure out my login for HuffPo so I decided to comment here. I kept refreshing your HuffPo page every so often to see what you had to say! Thankfully, I returned a few hours later to read your heartfelt post (not that any of your posts are not heartfelt.) It was truly beautiful and well worth the wait. Thank you.

  8. I have to confess I was worried when I first read your post this morning, waiting for the Huffington Post to put up the link. No worries needed. This is beautiful. And of course it doesn’t change anything about the way your friends see you. Who you love is just who you love, and love is always beautiful. I’ve never understood why that should be “controversial.” Thank you for always being you. xoxoxo

  9. Bravo. Although I don’t think you owed anyone this disclosure — after all, you already bare more of yourself and your life than mosts people — if it can help others who are struggling then it is certainly worth it.

    Someone once told me that sexuality is a spectrum. Prior to hearing that I had thought of it in more black and white terms. But as you and most other here know, pretty much nothing is black and white, is it?

  10. Hey Jess,
    It’s something that gets talked about a lot sort of abstractly, this bi invisibility…thanks for sharing. One of the bravest things you can do is just be exactly who you are, and tell people to take you or leave you, but not change yourself to fit their ideals. I know it’s what you want for your daughters, and it’s a great example you just set for them both.

  11. So sad that you had to be at all scared to share this with us, and the world. It’s beautiful, you’re beautiful.

  12. Hi Jess,

    I am a 36 year old bi-sexual female living in South Africa. I came across your story from Huffington Post via twitter and I was deeply moved and most proud of a woman I do not know at all. I have never read your blog and this was my first introduction to you and all I am able to say is ‘Thank You’.

    I came out to those extreamly close to me only, about 8 months ago. The way you described your relationship before your marriage, felt like you were talking about me, that you somehow knew me and was telling my story.

    Now recently single (1 month before Christmas recent) and still completely crushed, a person thinks if they will ever really move on from the person they believe to be their soulmate, and you have made me suddenly see things in a very different light and for that I thank you.

    Telling your story, your true story, is one of the hardest things anyone can do, but its also one of the strongest.

    For those people who have called themselves friends and do not accept you in your entirety, they are not worthy of having as friends.

    Thank you again and welcome to the New… Old you ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Dear Debbie,

      So many (All?) of us have been where you are. I’m so sorry for your sadness, and I promise it will get better as time passes. It really will. Sending you wishes for strength and peace in your heart.

      Take care.

  13. I’m still on the journey of resolving the differences between my heart’s and my head’s history about homosexuality, etc. But I know love when I see it, and love is love is love. I’m pretty proud of exactly who you are, all of you, Jess. Thank you for sharing your truth.

  14. Your article is beautiful and I applaud you for having the courage to be out. I am a bisexual man in a relationship with another bisexual man and we aren’t shy about it. Thanks for doing your part to increase bi visibility.

  15. Beautiful as always, Jess. And for one more post – and one more reason – thank you. For myself, and for my daughter, knowing you stand with us in yet another related arena means the world. ๐Ÿ™‚
    “She had blue skin, and so did he. He kept it hid, and so did she. They searched for blue their whole life through. Then passed right by – and never knew.” -Shel Silverstein, ‘Masks’

  16. Lovely Jess. As someone said above, sexuality is a spectrum (like much else on our lives), and your voice in the vanguard is always leading the rest of to brave honesty. much love! : )

  17. Oh Jess, this doesn’t change a thing. Nada. But your courage blazes new paths for others, and for that we are all thankful.

    I have a number of married gay friends. I consider myself completely “open minded” about sexualtiy. Until I had to explain something to my son. My 4 year old ASD son said he would like to marry his (boy) friend N. I said “Well, hmmm… Well… “(thinking how do I explain that he *shouldn’t* say that to N)… And I realized my hypocrisy. And I said “Usually a man marries a woman, not always, not like our friends J & K, and others, but usually”. Sigh. I was more worried about the other moms and kids than about being inclusive and honest. I still feel ashamed that I couldn’t find the words easily.

    “Love” you for your awesome-ness. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • We do our best when it domes to our children. Sometimes when I child needs black and white like ours it’s not always so black and white. Don’t beat yourself up you answered him the best you could. My daughter with ASD is obsessed with marriage at the moment. She is trying to figure out how it works . We just answer as plainly as possible and always end with you can marry whoever you want to just make sure they love you for you

  18. Great post and such inspiring comments. Yesterday a colleague told me she was marrying her longterm partner. When I met her 10 years ago, she wasn’t “out” at work. It’s great to be witness to this change. I just wish we could all see it for the positive change that it is.

  19. Jess, as someone who loves everyone (omnisexual is the term, I think) it would be extremely hypocritical of me not to love you more for being who you are, publicly. Your disclosure will only strengthen the bond you have with your fans and followers. Rock on.

  20. Anyone else watching Parenthood tonight and yelling at Adam – stop assuming Max will be attracted to girls? Ok, now back to the real world.

  21. “To love another person is to see the face of God” . . . (Culminating insight and lyric in the Les Miserables)

    I believe in this quote maybe more than any other words I have ever heard uttered.

    I could say so much about your post but today I mostly want to say (again) what you already know – I love you.

  22. Hey, Jess, I left this comment on Huffpo, but as it;s still “pending approval” thought I would leave it here, too, in support. …

    Hey, Jess, we should talk sometime. Brave of you to write this, kudos! I too, have a somewhat similar history – married to a man & family mom now, but gay in my past. A little while ago, I realized that most people in my current mom-centric life had no idea, because if you don’t come out and say something specific otherwise, everyone assumes “straightness.” And so I remedied that when I posted my โ€œ25 random things about meโ€ page in FB in 2009 (remember THAT meme that was all the rage back then?) and then made that list my “Meet SquashedMom” page on my blog. It included this โ€œthingโ€:

    “#11. I spent 10 years of my life โ€“ from 17 to 27 – as a card carrying member of the lesbian nation. To my old friends Iโ€™ve re-found on FB this is clearly no surprise (many of you still are). It might be to some of my new โ€œmommyโ€ friends. Itโ€™s not like I keep it a secret, but it just doesnโ€™t always come up. Honestly, I forget who Iโ€™ve told more in depth stories of my past life to, as so much of my current conversations are about the here and now intricacies of childrearing while trying to stay sane.”

    There’s probably more of us out there than we know. xoxoxox to you, wonderful, honest lady!

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