i’m here

tree

My sweet friend,

I miss you.

And that’s okay.

I can keep on missing you if space is truly what you need.

Because friendship waits.

And fills the spaces.

And takes no notice of the passage of time.

So if space is what you need, then it’s all yours.

But I’m worried.

I’m worried about you.

I’m worried for you.

I’m worried that it’s not a need for space that keeps us apart, but fear.

Fear that you think that you need to have it together.

Fear that you can’t bring me your pain.

Fear that you can’t be seen until the storm passes.

But please know this ..

Friendship – the real kind, doesn’t work that way.

Friendship adapts.

It sways and bends like an oak in the wind.

The bigger they get, the more they need to bend to survive.

That’s what we do.

We bend to each other.

 

So please just know, if you need to talk, I’m here.

If you need to not talk, I’m here.

If you need to come over after bedtime and watch reality TV, I’m here.

If you need to walk …

Or run …

Or drive down the highway singing along with the Indigo Girls at the top of our lungs …

I’m here.

You know where I am.

I’m not going anywhere.

My friendship makes no demands.

It will wait.

I will wait.

But please ..

If it’s fear that’s keeping us apart …

Call me.

I love you.

J

 

 

11 thoughts on “i’m here

  1. That’s beautiful and so poignant but I’m so sorry for your friend. My thoughts are with her and with you.

    Love you,
    Mom

  2. How do you manage to know what is going on in my heart or my head, while not really knowing me? This is pure beauty, and oh, so true. I love it!

  3. You are an amazing writer. I followed you as a behavior analyst in the field, but as a mother I like you more. I share your piece because I live in a country half a world away from my closest and dearest friends. This particular piece speaks to me and reminds me of the space that is FILLED to the brim with the memories we share.

  4. I can viscerally feel the love in this piece.

    You are in a great place right now Jess. A tandem cycling, anthem singing, self-caring kind of place. It can be hard for someone to bring what may seem less than pretty, possibly hard and messy, into your beautiful space. You know this. I just Hope she will hear you.

    You may need to go to her, in her place.

    • i wish i could. but going to her without her invitation would be for me, not her. she’s made it clear that she needs some space right now.

      my daughter has taught me that sometimes saying “i’m here” and allowing the ones we love to function in their own way on their own timeline is the greatest gift.

      xo

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