Ed note: Those of you who follow Diary on Facebook likely know that the following situation has been rectified, that my kid told me that I looked like a stripper (not that there’s anything wrong with that) when I was covered in glitter, that we had to get creative on the angel placing hoist, that I’m WAY too excited about the damned elf and that my kids danced in front of the tree last night, just because. But in the meantime, this was where we’d left off yesterday ….
On Sunday morning, I asked the girls if they’d like to decorate the house for Christmas.
“Yes!” said Brooke.
“Yes!” said Katie.
“Wait, NOW?” said Luau.
“Yes!” I said.
“In a minute!” said Brooke.
“I’ll be right there,” said Katie.
“You mean RIGHT now?” said Luau.
I began to collect the Thanksgiving decorations, starting by picking away at the rolls upon rolls of tape that Brooke had used to affix her creations to the wall.
While I worked on that, I sent Katie to the basement to start extracting Santas.
“But, I .. ” said Luau.
“But the .. ” he added.
He might have said something else, but tape-picking can be loud.
Katie emerged with two Santas.
“I need a shower,” said Brooke.
“Right now?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said.
“Can it wait?” I asked.
“No,” she said.
Katie put down her two Santas and declared herself done.
“I need a shower!” said Brooke.
“I really don’t feel like doing this,” said Katie.
“I need a shower!” shouted Brooke.
“Screw it; we’re going upstairs,” I said to Luau.
“What just happened?” Luau asked.
I shrugged and brought Brooke up for a shower as Katie disappeared into her room.
Luau pulled a few more things from the basement while we were upstairs. I set them out before leaving the house with Katie.
We came back last night and got exactly nothing further done.
Before leaving the house yesterday, I couldn’t resist taking photos of our poor, confused, over-Holidayed house.
Image is a photo of the dining room, taken from the entryway. Above the doorway is a garland of autumn leaves. On the sideboard, there are three Santas overlooking the table.
Let’s take a closer look at the table, shall we?
On the table sit two sparkly and two not-so-sparkly pumpkins, a ceramic dish in the shape of a pumpkin holding pine cones, two random vases of (mostly pink) silk flowers, and, of course, a tabletop Christmas tree. Oh, and some paper and magic markers, because, well, yeah.
It gets even better if we turn around and look into the living room. And by better, I mean, um, not better.
Image is a photo of the living room. The tree will go in that far corner in front of the cabinet … eventually. The garlands that are slung over those chairs will be hung … at some point.
But wait, you haven’t seen the best part. And by best, I mean … not.
Image is a shot of the living room taken from the hall. Now visible is the garland hanging above the entry: autumn leaves and letters spelling, “Give Thanks.”
Standing guard over all of this is a very confused wooden nutcracker.
For the record, the only reason this guy made it out is that Luau was in charge of transporting him from the North Pole. Did I ever tell you about the time that we hid him so well that we couldn’t find him and had to buy another one on Dec 1st? Or the time that we did it AGAIN and had to buy a third one? Yeah, we’re THAT awesome.
Image is a photo of Scouter the Elf supposedly spying on the neighbors with the telescope that Katie won at Dave and Buster’s. To be honest, I find this sort of creepy, but I’m really not in a position to complain. If it were up to me, he’d still be in his box and I’d be at Hallmark buying a fourth one today.
Lest you think we’ve kept this walking yard sale INSIDE the house, allow me to set the record straight.
Image is a photo of our front steps, on which there are two pumpkins which have improbably survived without a scratch since Halloween, and the door on which there is a Christmas wreath.
I did manage to get the Advent elves up though, so that’s something, right?
Image is a photo of Katie’s Advent elf. Sadly, only two out of twenty-four of the small gifts that I bought are actually small enough to fit into the pockets without being visible. Yes, two. TWO. So as of this writing, she already knows what every single gift is. Listen, people, I got the elf up by the first. I’m calling it a win.
Brooke’s on the other hand, well, hers was a little more complicated.
Image is a photo of Brooke’s Advent elf. Its pockets are empty. Not because I don’t have twenty-four little gifts for the pockets, but because I have twenty-four wrong gifts for the pockets. You see, on Sunday night when she said, “And I will have the Playmobil friends in mine!” I remembered that I had indeed promised her that there would be a couple of Playmobil friends in hers and then promptly forgotten and spent the day picking up a whole bunch of not Playmobil friends. Since she is well-known for squeeze-assessing every pocket as soon as the elves are up, I decided the whole thing would have to wait until said Playmobil friends were in hand. Yes, I’m a marvel of efficiency. I know.
Is it just me or does that damned elf look a little forlorn? Mercy.
There’s plenty more complete and utter patheticness that I could share, but let’s stop while I still have some self-respect, shall we?
Happy Holidays, my friends.
Any of them.
All of them.