our blue


{photo is an abstract blue image. i find it quite beautiful.}

it is april

blue-hued, thick-with-fear, overwhelming, tired, angry, out of words, april




what is that song?

damn it, what is that song?


into blue

a mellow blueness


i start to hum

the words come

Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Can you take me with you?
For my hand is cold
And needs warmth
Where are you going?

that’s it


Far beyond where the horizon lies
Where the horizon lies
And the land sinks into mellow blueness
Oh please, take me with you

yes, it’s godspell!

my girl’s beloved godspell

(read this, read the links to the back story, find out why)

a song about connection

about journeying together




oh sweet blue irony

how many times have i listened to that song with my sweet girl?


through music

through her love

her autistic love

please don’t call it a fixation, an obsession

it’s abiding love

of this beautiful thing

through which she makes sense of the world

and in which we find each other

again and again and again

Let me skip the road with you
I can dare myself
I can dare myself
I’ll put a pebble in my shoe
And watch me walk (watch me walk)
I can walk and walk!
(I can walk!)

she is not missing

she is not lost

she is here

in a mellow blueness that no one else can own

do you hear me?

we will not cede blue

no one can take a color

from my girl

and tell me that it’s for the boys

for extinction

for fear

I shall call the pebble Dare
We will talk, we will talk together
We will talk about walking
Dare shall be carried
And when we both have had enough
I will take him from my shoe, singing:
“Meet your new road!”
Then I’ll take your hand
Finally glad
Finally glad
That you are here
By my side

By my side
By my side
By my side

my girl is not lost

she is not missing

she is here

by my side

Then the man they called Judas Iscariot
Went to the chief priests, and said
“What will you give me to betray Him to you?”
They paid him thirty pieces of silver.
And from that moment, he began to look out for an opportunity
To betray Him.

they betray her when they don’t listen

they betray us all when they silence her brothers and sisters

they don’t speak for her

they don’t speak for us

they can’t have our blue

By my side
By my side
By my side
By my side



{image is a photo of Brooke with the Broadway cast of Godspell, 2011. She is holding her Mary Magdalene doll and Uzo Aduba is holding her Jesus doll}

* lyrics are to the song By My Side by the inimitable Peggy Gordon, one of the original cast members of Godspell.

6 thoughts on “our blue

  1. I love Godspell, and this song in particular. Thank you for reclaiming blue in the most beautiful way.

  2. I am rarely speechless, as my husband would attest, but this……this has me silent as the tears flow. Beautiful silence.

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