as much as she needs me


{image is a photo of Katie with her arm around her sister at the park}

Katie and I are the only ones left at the table. Brooke has long since run off to Google the Little Einsteins and Luau is at work. From where we sit, we can hear Brooke squealing happily from the other room.

“Katie, honey,” I say.

She looks up from her plate.

“Oh no,” she says, seeing my face,”what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, baby,” I say, “I just …”

“Mama,” she says, “please don’t cry.”

“I’m not,” I say.

She rolls her eyes.

“I’m okay,” I say. “It’s just .. I need you to promise me that you’ll always look out for your sister.”

She nods, but doesn’t speak.

I wish it were, but in this moment it’s not enough. I need to hear it. I need the words.

“Promise?” I ask.

“Mama,” she says, “I promise. I’m her big sister; it’s my job.”

I exhale.

“Besides,” she says, “I need her as much as she needs me.”

8 thoughts on “as much as she needs me

  1. There’s never a doubt in my mind that Katie would say that. Her Mama also needs to take care of herself.

    Love you,

  2. Wow Jess, that was so lovely – what a wonderful person Katie is. Definitely brought a tear to my eye. I think my boys feel the same way about their sister, but you are right, it means so much more when you hear the words. Nic x

  3. Jess, what do we do if we don’t have a Katie? I don’t know who will look out for my kids when I’m gone. That day should be a long way away but I can’t help but worry.

    • We work to create the support they’ll need, just like we do when we do have a Katie, because while I want her to look out for her, it can’t ever be her job to parent her. Ain’t no other choice.

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